I HATE MY PAST. SO I CHANGE IN ORDER TO HAVE A BETTER PAST IN 10 YEARS TIME

An old friend asked me 'how I'm doing' and I told him that I'm fine. But to be honest I hated my past, so I made a change in order to have a better past in 10 years time. Reminiscing on my own mistakes, I decided to change my speech. I couldn't be known as the typical black boy from Croydon so I had to prepare myself for the real world in which I was soon about to meet. I've had dreams of me being on top, with the money and my crown. But dreams down here are non existent when your name has become the real talk of the town. No matter how many times I'd be put to the ground, I would always get back up to my feet. I tackled every obstacle in front of me, took all my negative emotions, and simply pressed delete. A vision of my future with the kids and the wife can easily fall into the dark abyss, stabbing like a knife and the emotions towards other people were only based on strife because I had hated the way they made me negatively look and observe my life. After sleepless nights and disappointing years, I fell apart and understood the amount of words being compressed into tears. I wished to be somewhere else, like out of space. Because I knew the trauma being spread around made me feel awkward and out of place. I had so many emotions having specific, significant roles, featuring in its own symphony. But flipping acceptance is all I wanted, I couldn't give a crap about anyone's sympathy. I grew up knowing that I had to fight for what I believed in. The limitless boundaries was soon my destruction and gaining more enemies was what I achieved in. My mum would call me brave, crocodiles in my room was all I feared. But now I'm terrified of anything, my mind is known to be the main thing in which would get me scared. I contemplated whether I should fight for a good future, with good wealth or whether I should go poor. Shhhh.....Listen! Did you hear that? That was my heart saying it can't take no more. There were too many problems in this everlasting bubble. A story in which was nowhere near finished, got ended early as I observed the rope...it was time to burst this cursed bubble

Don't throw the future away because of the past

The future couldn't wait
The future wanted to be right here but it was too late
The emotion in the high heavens must reject this segment
Because SHE ended his hopes..... at a young age...she was pregnant
OR
The future was ready
Steady, set...no go, no teddy
Already?
The future was not a creep
How would you know anyways, it had only been a week
She said, 'the pregnancy didn't mean to happen'
She gave the same story at her rehab whilst the peers began to start clapping
Applauding her bravery...it can't be
Because the future had a future in which, now, it can't see

Oh, this is a poem, right? That's the deal
Well if so, this is about how I feel

There's been many warnings, many signs and precautions 
So if you 'accidentally' go too far, don't put the future through abortion

I'm right here

Smile, laugh, cry, do whatever but just know that I'm right here,
I'm here to help you acknowledge your worth and I'd protect you from your own mind inviting the blind-fighting fear 
A day without you. The air i breathe. Wow, I can't place the thought
The beauty is deep within and a love so pure, a love in which cannot be categorised into any sort
A love which desires unity, you and me make it possible for the community to be inspired
With thoughts being enquired and the negativity ever so tired
I tend to get wired to our connection 
I fear no rejection...oh I forgot to mention...
Imagine our child, the generation' stunning child.....
Sorry, forgive me... That's just my imagination running wild
Excitement and hope is all I possess 
Just to see you one more time, I feel  the snare settle in my chest
I wish I was the one, especially knowing that not one guy could match you
I'm right here if you call. If you fall, I will catch you

My mind Resembles my bulb

The light bulb flickered, and my mind went blank

Dreams of being rich and famous had disappeared 

It couldn't just be money and pride in which I stored in my bank

A new way of life needed to be pioneered

'Switch on...' I kept on encouraging myself

But as the bulb went crazy, my mind remained clear

I know the fame won't exactly do good for my health

So this concept, with you, I'd love to share

The fame and riches will be by my absolute let downs

Because I know the negative effects it'll have on my mind

In a world where money controls and tells you to get down

I'd only want to keep my mind clear and more so blind

Blind to the deceptions

Blind to the fake love

Blind to the enemies and really love those who are as pure as the doves

Do What You Gotta Do! Pt 1

I tend to sit and watch whilst you connect the dots
But the problems escalate as I also watch you accept the knots
You, me... We were supposed to be together, be one, forever
But I realised the fake feelings, seeing your actions agree but your heart saying never
Hm...you were clever
How about I actually come hunt the negativity growing within or simply and easily confront the absurd enemy of mine in which lies, hates and cheats
There was a thin line between love and hate, and we had parallel lines, which is why our minds could never meet
But I'm scared, you understood the sense of sympathy 
I'd have to fight for what I believed in but then again, I may have had to forget my dignity
I don't know what I have done but I continue to pray
Is love really worth it?.. Right now, I just cannot say

Letting It Out!

Your words don't hurt me
I've been knocked down a thousand times but I do get back up
Sometimes it's unbearable, sometimes I want to stay down, sometimes I would really just hate to stand up
I grew up in a house, making mistakes to become a better man
But as I stepped outside, I became a child again
Can i not make mistakes. Was I born perfect? In the eyes of the world as I stepped out, i am as if I were ten
School....you gotta fit in
I don't really see it like that, it's more like you gotta give in
That facade I held made everything worse, and it seemed to be my ability to socialise well with everyone, in which was in fact a curse
2 years. Joy and Laughter to utter destruction. I tried to be the best I could be and that's when I realised you dnt fit in, you give in and my facade was the malfunction in serious abduction. 
Throw me into a deep pool full of sharks and see if I don't swim to the top. I might get hurt trying to reach my destination, but I remember the love invested within because, to be honest, that's all I got.
I cared and I tried to do my best but one bad move can be a real pisstake. I thought I was the guy, I had everything, until I encountered that tragic mistake. 2 years of hard work, smiles and tears. I wanna start again knowing that I am not full of undoubtable fears. Remember what I possessed and no one could take it from me. 2 years gone and I let myself down, a mistake made to ensure my growth but really and truly, I am incredibly sorry.

Love not the Evil

Another day goes by as I continue to contemplate. Making you proud was beyond the bounds of possibility, but the love you provided, I could never compensate.

I tried and I tried but no triumph was due, so the inner being was slowly seeing the enclose vanity from you.

 Working hard was never easy but your attention would be my reward. The motivation. I knew having you, I had no redemption to buy things, in which yesterday I could not afford.

I’d dress nice, you know, an expensive tie with the suit. But I had to be smart and understand that I could not be struck by the root. 

You grabbed me in but I could not see above. I could not act upon what you were doing because I was so deeply in love.

I followed you as you introduced me to the people of this world, and it was the irritating weevil, the mitigating people and the uncensored evil in which you came and hurled.

 You probably thought this was all funny, how stupid of me to know evil was the destination of my love for money.

You didn’t care though; you were there as just another unfair hoe. 

To be honest, after this, I might forever want you but there would be no emotion. I know you will help me out in times of need but there will be no affectionate devotion. 

I don’t need money to receive my blessings, you are the root to all evil and I have now finally learnt that really important lesson.