I HATE MY PAST. SO I CHANGE IN ORDER TO HAVE A BETTER PAST IN 10 YEARS TIME

An old friend asked me 'how I'm doing' and I told him that I'm fine. But to be honest I hated my past, so I made a change in order to have a better past in 10 years time. Reminiscing on my own mistakes, I decided to change my speech. I couldn't be known as the typical black boy from Croydon so I had to prepare myself for the real world in which I was soon about to meet. I've had dreams of me being on top, with the money and my crown. But dreams down here are non existent when your name has become the real talk of the town. No matter how many times I'd be put to the ground, I would always get back up to my feet. I tackled every obstacle in front of me, took all my negative emotions, and simply pressed delete. A vision of my future with the kids and the wife can easily fall into the dark abyss, stabbing like a knife and the emotions towards other people were only based on strife because I had hated the way they made me negatively look and observe my life. After sleepless nights and disappointing years, I fell apart and understood the amount of words being compressed into tears. I wished to be somewhere else, like out of space. Because I knew the trauma being spread around made me feel awkward and out of place. I had so many emotions having specific, significant roles, featuring in its own symphony. But flipping acceptance is all I wanted, I couldn't give a crap about anyone's sympathy. I grew up knowing that I had to fight for what I believed in. The limitless boundaries was soon my destruction and gaining more enemies was what I achieved in. My mum would call me brave, crocodiles in my room was all I feared. But now I'm terrified of anything, my mind is known to be the main thing in which would get me scared. I contemplated whether I should fight for a good future, with good wealth or whether I should go poor. Shhhh.....Listen! Did you hear that? That was my heart saying it can't take no more. There were too many problems in this everlasting bubble. A story in which was nowhere near finished, got ended early as I observed the rope...it was time to burst this cursed bubble

Don't throw the future away because of the past

The future couldn't wait
The future wanted to be right here but it was too late
The emotion in the high heavens must reject this segment
Because SHE ended his hopes..... at a young age...she was pregnant
OR
The future was ready
Steady, set...no go, no teddy
Already?
The future was not a creep
How would you know anyways, it had only been a week
She said, 'the pregnancy didn't mean to happen'
She gave the same story at her rehab whilst the peers began to start clapping
Applauding her bravery...it can't be
Because the future had a future in which, now, it can't see

Oh, this is a poem, right? That's the deal
Well if so, this is about how I feel

There's been many warnings, many signs and precautions 
So if you 'accidentally' go too far, don't put the future through abortion

I'm right here

Smile, laugh, cry, do whatever but just know that I'm right here,
I'm here to help you acknowledge your worth and I'd protect you from your own mind inviting the blind-fighting fear 
A day without you. The air i breathe. Wow, I can't place the thought
The beauty is deep within and a love so pure, a love in which cannot be categorised into any sort
A love which desires unity, you and me make it possible for the community to be inspired
With thoughts being enquired and the negativity ever so tired
I tend to get wired to our connection 
I fear no rejection...oh I forgot to mention...
Imagine our child, the generation' stunning child.....
Sorry, forgive me... That's just my imagination running wild
Excitement and hope is all I possess 
Just to see you one more time, I feel  the snare settle in my chest
I wish I was the one, especially knowing that not one guy could match you
I'm right here if you call. If you fall, I will catch you

My mind Resembles my bulb

The light bulb flickered, and my mind went blank

Dreams of being rich and famous had disappeared 

It couldn't just be money and pride in which I stored in my bank

A new way of life needed to be pioneered

'Switch on...' I kept on encouraging myself

But as the bulb went crazy, my mind remained clear

I know the fame won't exactly do good for my health

So this concept, with you, I'd love to share

The fame and riches will be by my absolute let downs

Because I know the negative effects it'll have on my mind

In a world where money controls and tells you to get down

I'd only want to keep my mind clear and more so blind

Blind to the deceptions

Blind to the fake love

Blind to the enemies and really love those who are as pure as the doves

Do What You Gotta Do! Pt 1

I tend to sit and watch whilst you connect the dots
But the problems escalate as I also watch you accept the knots
You, me... We were supposed to be together, be one, forever
But I realised the fake feelings, seeing your actions agree but your heart saying never
Hm...you were clever
How about I actually come hunt the negativity growing within or simply and easily confront the absurd enemy of mine in which lies, hates and cheats
There was a thin line between love and hate, and we had parallel lines, which is why our minds could never meet
But I'm scared, you understood the sense of sympathy 
I'd have to fight for what I believed in but then again, I may have had to forget my dignity
I don't know what I have done but I continue to pray
Is love really worth it?.. Right now, I just cannot say

Letting It Out!

Your words don't hurt me
I've been knocked down a thousand times but I do get back up
Sometimes it's unbearable, sometimes I want to stay down, sometimes I would really just hate to stand up
I grew up in a house, making mistakes to become a better man
But as I stepped outside, I became a child again
Can i not make mistakes. Was I born perfect? In the eyes of the world as I stepped out, i am as if I were ten
School....you gotta fit in
I don't really see it like that, it's more like you gotta give in
That facade I held made everything worse, and it seemed to be my ability to socialise well with everyone, in which was in fact a curse
2 years. Joy and Laughter to utter destruction. I tried to be the best I could be and that's when I realised you dnt fit in, you give in and my facade was the malfunction in serious abduction. 
Throw me into a deep pool full of sharks and see if I don't swim to the top. I might get hurt trying to reach my destination, but I remember the love invested within because, to be honest, that's all I got.
I cared and I tried to do my best but one bad move can be a real pisstake. I thought I was the guy, I had everything, until I encountered that tragic mistake. 2 years of hard work, smiles and tears. I wanna start again knowing that I am not full of undoubtable fears. Remember what I possessed and no one could take it from me. 2 years gone and I let myself down, a mistake made to ensure my growth but really and truly, I am incredibly sorry.

Love not the Evil

Another day goes by as I continue to contemplate. Making you proud was beyond the bounds of possibility, but the love you provided, I could never compensate.

I tried and I tried but no triumph was due, so the inner being was slowly seeing the enclose vanity from you.

 Working hard was never easy but your attention would be my reward. The motivation. I knew having you, I had no redemption to buy things, in which yesterday I could not afford.

I’d dress nice, you know, an expensive tie with the suit. But I had to be smart and understand that I could not be struck by the root. 

You grabbed me in but I could not see above. I could not act upon what you were doing because I was so deeply in love.

I followed you as you introduced me to the people of this world, and it was the irritating weevil, the mitigating people and the uncensored evil in which you came and hurled.

 You probably thought this was all funny, how stupid of me to know evil was the destination of my love for money.

You didn’t care though; you were there as just another unfair hoe. 

To be honest, after this, I might forever want you but there would be no emotion. I know you will help me out in times of need but there will be no affectionate devotion. 

I don’t need money to receive my blessings, you are the root to all evil and I have now finally learnt that really important lesson.

change for the growth

5 years, right?                                                                   

5 good years of sleepless nights...right?

I mean he obtained the best friends, but gained the worst ends, and recognised the time, he never had, is what he decided to try spend.

Should’ve been a bit more clever, using the time wisely maybe could’ve made his school life a bit more better, but instead he was all bitter and soaked in his own tears, so what exactly should he have done in his own 5 years?

(Year 10)

School was a life which was incredibly social, so in what way did he become so vocal? All I know is that, school is fun and games until the result paper comes and names, being YOU who takes the blame for unfortunately forgetting your lane... But just if he had changed…
He’s messed up his trial exams, so make sure you don’t take the bad steps you’ve taken, to be honest, he should’ve thought more about his character than his made reputation, because you don’t want anyone to know that your grade left you aching, so instead this mentality had its fade and everyone was expectant of his awakening.

(Year 11)

Make sure revision is a priority, because if it’s not, this won’t just be affecting a minority. School has its system in which you need to follow, but if you refuse then there would be a consequence. It could affect you in class or on results day, and you definitely don’t want to be receiving them horrible looks. So why don’t you make it easier and just simply follow your books.

(GCSE mode)

He realises that he needs to do well because in the past he’s failed. He knows that GCSEs are important but he also knows that it’s not the end of the world. So what?  He knows that his education is ‘saveable’. Which surely means that he also knows getting good grades is in his reach, because he’s 100% capable.

(Results day)

He looks down at his results and he’s so happy with what he sees, because that boy knew what he had been through, and that boy so happened to be me.

Music is Everything

Music is Everything

Music is everything to me. It helps me to see things through different lenses. As we all have terrible days, my solution is to pick up the iPod, put in my earphones, and just listen. Listen to the sounds in which resemble your emotions. Whether it’s the vocals or the instrumental sections, you can connect or more so ally with the music. It tends to have a real impact on your mind. It can comfort. We see that sometimes, that’s all people want. Comfort. If I was down, I know listening to slow, ‘emotional’ songs would make me a bit more upset, but I would be completely fine as it’s music. I know that the music and myself are able to connect. The same thing would apply to me if I were happy.

Music has a sensational effect on the mind. As I went to my journalism course for one week, I attended a workshop held by Jonny Ensall (Journalist). In this workshop, we listened to a song named ‘Bad Blood’ by Nao, and we were told to write a review about it. Now in writing this review, a guy called Hussein described the music as being ‘orgasmic to the ears’. Through all the giggles and heavy laughter (by some), I decided to really think about what he meant. I soon understood. There were moments in the song where the music would give out intense and unrestrained excitement, making you want to close your eyes, or even lay on the beach with the sun glaring right above. Music tends to do this a lot.

Being brought up in a musical household, I’ve learnt to appreciate every genre-from Hip pop to indie and classical to country. That’s not to say that country music or indie music is my cup of tea, but I sure can enjoy it. The world needs music. Scientist have claimed that music helps with insomnia (the inability to sleep) and it can also prevent anxiety. Many people just listen to music and decide not to learn how to play an instrument. Playing an instrument gives you the ability to have extreme patience, as that’s what it takes to learn an instrument, pure dedication. I advise everyone to learn an instrument. Understand what music really means to yourself and the effect it has on you. Be able to turn to your music without hesitation. Love and enjoy it. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0LozZc-g7g

It's Time:Tiller is Telling

                    It's Tiller Time

Bryson Tiller-Don't

The 2011 star, Wretch 32 publically told his girl, “Don’t go, don’t leave, please stay with me.” Ladies and gentleman, I think the ‘don’t’ phase has come back but, just, a little bit worse. We have now got Bryson Tiller talking to this girl, in which he so happens to love….and even talking to her partner. How deeper can you get? Tiller has been telling Her partner, “Don’t play with her, don’t be dishonest.” He also then goes to tell her, “Don’t let me just let up.” Like, c’mon people, what does that even mean?

The single ‘Don’t’ by Bryson Tiller, coming from the album ‘Trapsoul’, is a 'get all up in your feelings' type of song. He hasn’t been around for a long time, recently exploding into the music industry. I really do enjoy his music, especially the single ‘Don’t, but what I DON’T understand is how he released that single on the 14^th October 2014, and then released the video almost a year later, on the 20^th August 2015. I think he may just be a bit, you know, wrong with timing. Similarly he also done it with an amazing song in which was on the same album called ‘Exchange’. He released that single on the 21^st September 2015 and yet again, the video was released on the 1^st June 2016. A bit weird, hey?

But to be honest, nobody really cared about that. Based purely on his singing, he deserved to be on every single person’s snapchat. 

‘Don’t’ is an emotional, love song, telling an intriguing story. Tiller seems to be in love with this lady, who has a man mistreating her. But she’s still with him…Only God knows why. In the song, tiller emphasises the word ‘Don’t’ at the end of the verse. This was just a little reminder for her not to let him make an absolute idiot out of her. But it was also a message to her partner, telling him to stop mistreating her and that she deserves someone better (someone such as Bryson himself). The thought that guys have to lie to the ladies really seemed to confuse Tiller, but not as much as to why she’s still with him. Bryson plays the hero in this…sort of. He’s the one that can surely save her from all the mistreatments, and give her what she would want and need. Aww! What an eager beaver he is! Too bad we would never hear the ending to that story.

Now, this song banged at number 13 on the US Billboard hot 100, becoming Tillers first top 40 hit and highest charting single to date. Tiller legitimately released this on his SoundCloud page. He began receiving attention from the internet based fans and music industry insiders. He racked up 4 million streams in like the first six months, and then soon came to gain more than 35 million streams. Who would’ve ever thought that his successful single was made in his living room. Let’s go Tiller!

The Best VS The Best

      The Best VS The Best?

   

Fruit punch vs Black grape, Ronaldo vs Messi, Android vs ios. The best challenges anyone would love to see, right? Well, what if I could tell you the winners of these challenges…for free? Black grape wins any day, Ronaldo puts Messi to shame and Android is…. No, Ios is…. The huge question is, who wins that.

IOS was developed by Apple. If you walk anywhere outside, where there are many businessmen or women, there is a 50% chance that you’re going to see them holding an IPhone or iPad in their hand. This goes to say that IOSis the second most popular operating system. Wikipedia states that ‘Apples app store’ contains more than 1.4 million IOS apps, in which is very impressive. Talking about apps, they also state that mobile apps have been downloaded more than 100 billion times. Now, there was a point where the optimistic software, Snapchat, was not fully accessible on Android. IOS was at such a strong place, having a better version of Snapchat, as well as Instagram. I interviewed a couple people who are in love with technology. A 21-year-old, University student, Abi, and a 25-year-old, Retail worker, Danny. In interviewing Abi, she had told me that she preferred Android. I asked her why, and part of her response towards IOS was, “I feel like, in all their innovation, they don’t think. They just throw products out and call it innovation.” She did seem quite disappointed with Apple so I decided to also interview Danny, asking him, “Previously I spoke with another person, and she said that…. she believes that IOS is innovative too much, what’s your thoughts on that?” He was not fully agreeing with Abi, as he said, “I wouldn’t really say innovative…”

Android is developed by google. What an amazing operating system this is. It is actually, in fact, the largest installed base of all operating systems. Wikipedia states that Google play had ‘over a million’ apps and over ’50 billion’ apps downloaded. Now, with this being said, I guess IOS wins the battle for the selling and favourable apps. But that really doesn’t tell us what’s the better operating system.

Android seems to be very simple and straight forward. Danny stated that, “I could do what I want with my Android, I could customise it as I want. No obstacles, nothing stopping me from doing so. It’s easy. Simple.” IOS is one of a kind when it comes to having the right operating system. Nowadays, success is shown by anything which is trending worldwide. To go back to ‘Snapchat’, everyone knows that IOS had a better use of it. And because snapchat is trending worldwide, IOS seems to be above Android. As I interviewed Abi, she believed that Apple is incredibly selfish. Using the example of her IPod breaking, she went on to say that, “I believe that you cannot get any worse than Apple.” Now, for operating systems, their real customers are anyone with phones, and if IOS customers aren’t exactly happy about the (OS), then there is a huge problem. 

This shows that Android has always been above IOS, in terms of popularity

Android will take the win for this battle. And who knows...maybe one day, IOS will strike back sooner than you think.

Perfect Sense? GANGS.

Perfect Sense?

Negative influences in our microwave society is what the younger (11-20) generation fails to see, being the cause for all these losses. These negative influences can come specifically from gangs. Now, with that being said, I absolutely hate the fact that ‘Youngers’ have to fear for their lives, not knowing what or who will approach them, anytime they step out the door. At least they can be safe at school, right? I mean, teachers are usually present and security may also be there so how can they not be safe at school? Well, on the 28^th April 2014, Ann Maguire (a teacher at Corpus Christi Catholic School) was stabbed to death by a pupil. So how certain can I honestly be to say that they are safe at school? This really isn’t being said to scare anyone or to put anyone down under fear, but what are they doing about these issues? Maybe they might just act as soon as these issues escalate, but it looks like we just have to witness another mother lose a son, another brother/sister lose a sibling and another person lose a friend. How many times do we have to see, ‘I will never forget you’ or ‘R.I.P’ on social media before it hits them and they realise that they NEED to do something and make better choices.

Now, i am able to understand that the love of money is the root to all evil. From drug dealing being an illegal way for money to be made, i can see how people will get so frustrated with the 'dealer' due to whatever reasons. But as drug dealing is taken seriously, because of the money, many are killed. One reason why many even join gangs. Young ones are also now joining gangs because they simply want to have respect. They think it’s cool to be intimidating. As a ‘youngster’, joining a gang has become a popular trend but honestly, why is that? Why is that the case when there are ones who are brought up on the streets and ones whose families are also on the streets, feeling trapped?

Moving onto the music aspect, I can understand that music has always had a huge impact on people’s lives, but ‘trap/street’ music has changed London negatively. Of course many people listen and love this style of music but when is enough, really enough? They rap the lyrics and then live the lifestyle. If not, they rap the lyrics and all of a sudden, words in which they wouldn’t use are now in their vocabulary. There have always been gangs, so why is it now a problem? To be honest, it has been a problem for so long. But it’s us teenagers/youth who are feeling the pain from all the stabbings and criminal activities. I need to know, where are all the voices? If we want change then voices need to be heard, and that voice will never be recognised if it’s only ‘R.I.P’ messages on social media. The younger generation needs to understand that they’ve got a stake in their life and a future; and seriously….. why would they want less?

Everyone needs to understand that many gang members are still human beings. Meaning that they have feelings and emotions, not knowing everyones story, many may have gone to the streets to get away from other things. Many may need the money to help their family. Many may have not grown with a parent so they believe they've got something to prove. But through that It really hurts to hear and see teenagers suffering due to the gang situations. So the younger generation needs to make brave, intelligent choices to tell a friend about not bringing weapons in to school. Tell them that they can have a life without risking theirs so glibly. Perfect sense? There is no sense in going to prison or the grave. We all talk about the struggles of being stopped and searched, right? Many just had a problem with it because it became such a racist issue. Now, they need to understand that their mind set should be different. Know that they’re not only being stopped and searched because they’re young black people, but they’re also being stopped and searched because they’re simply young. The younger generation should be able to walk free from fear and more vigilance, recognising the frequency of deaths, recurring these days is unnecessary.